Believing that I can modify other people's behaviour is an illusion, maybe the biggest of all. No one can control another person's actions or words. Others are not puppets; they have their own freedom of choice. What other people do is none of my business, even though it may affect my life and my happiness... The most important person in my life is me, myself, I. This may sound selfish but it's not. To be selfish is trying to bend others to conform to my expectations. But if I solely concentrate on my own wellbeing and give up expectations regarding others, I am not only being realistic, but I am acting with kindness and empathy. I let others be what they want to be, while tending to my own business of bettering myself.
It is helpful to stop wondering what I can do to about other people's problems, and instead ask myself what I can do to improve my own life. I can improve my outlook and consider my circumstances with gratitude, rather than resentment. I can improve myself by being aware of what stops me from progressing, what sort of resistance I harbour within me. I don't have power over others, but I have power over myself. Instead of wracking my brains about how I will make this person do this or that, I can direct my efforts towards me, and take up an activity that will make a difference to me, such as meditating, keeping a diary, or reading inspiring books.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true but it is necessary to seek for what is false. Every illusion is one of fear, whatever form it takes. And the attempt to escape from one illusion into another must fail. If you seek love outside yourself you can be certain that you perceive hatred within, and are afraid of it. Yet peace will never come from the illusion of love, but only from its reality." (A Course in Miracles)
Painting: Wheatfields of the Wartland by Patricia Jessup.
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