Patience and Tolerance

"We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength." - Dalai Lama

I find it hard to believe that enemies can actually be good for me. But without people doing things I disapprove of, or saying things that I find hurtful, I wouldn't have the opportunity to progress on the spiritual path...

No one is exactly how I would like them to be in an ideal world. Spouses, children, parents, coworkers act and react in ways that can be annoying and frustrating, as well as downright nasty at times. But this is my interpretation of their actions and words. They have their own problems, their own reasons to do things a certain way.

An example of patience and tolerance is how we react to someone's anger. "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." It is a natural, instinctive impulse to retaliate to an offensive action or remark, but unfortunately, this will only make matters worse. A much more constructive approach is to meet the attack with a calm and gentle attitude. I'm not saying we should allow people to walk all over us, but the way we say things is very important. Instead of being swayed by negative emotions, we can choose to keep our cool and respond with dignity. It is also a good idea to postpone a discussion when it becomes too heated.

With patience, we can endure situations that seem unbearable, while maintaining a positive, hopeful attitude. With tolerance, we can settle differences in a mature and constructive way, defusing conflict instead of contributing to it. Accepting others as they are is the key, as we can only change ourselves. This is the basis of spirituality.

All the best, and never give up - you'll get there eventually!

Isa